3 transformational lessons learned from the gym...probably not what you think!

Sadly, today my gym shut down their business.

Fortunately, the owners/coaches brilliantly pivoted and went remote, which is awesome....yet the community as we knew it is over.

My heart is so freakin’ heavy.

I sheepishly walked in there January 2018 -
DESPERATE- I had spent much of 2017 using a cane and managing pain. I needed to be healthier.

The transformation I experienced was priceless.

First of all...I actually
SHOWED UP and to be honest, I walked in terrified EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

And every day I walked out to my car a

For the first time I felt physically and emotionally safe in a gym setting. All shapes and sizes were welcome and present. Modifications and scaling was available for anyone at any level of fitness.

Oh how I will miss the community!!

We had daily celebrations of achievement and badassery...support and compassion for life inside and outside the physical four walls of the gym.

2018-2020 were some of the most emotionally difficult years of my life and being present with the community and pushing myself physically supported me in ways I never could have imagined.

3 transformational lessons I learned from the gym: 

1.  It was never about my weight. People would compliment me on my weight loss and how great I looked...and honestly, it made me cringe. 

2. I would smile and share how amazing I FELT. It was always about feeling better in my body, being able to move without pain, to get on and off the floor, to climb stairs without my arms, and to live my best life.

3. I wanted to be seen for the way I was showing up for myself, for that was where the real loss was. The LOSS OF GUILT for putting myself first!

In 2019 when things in my life took some painful twists and turns I struggled to stick with my radical self care. I had pain again and became acutely aware of what a shamp I was at holding my emotions in my body.

Fortunately in the last 6 months I have learned a technique to release them….and am now getting certified in it so I can help others!

This community will always be in my heart, the coaches will always be in my head, and I will continue to move my body, to push myself past the point of my mental comfort zone, to step outside myself and find my inner warrior.


She is there and she is resilientAF!  

Check out
Project Wellness...remote training from two amazing coaches!!

and join other resilientAF midlife mamas on Facebook in our free group!! 

Unfiltered Journey

Unfiltered Journey
Getting real with myself.  Realizing that I am waiting for things to shift so I can share sparkly things...

Fuck that. I am committing to speaking from where I am now. Painful, raw, unfiltered.

2.24.19 Sisterhood

I was gifted the most nourishing day of sisterhood yesterday.  (I'll give you more details in a bit!) On the last stretch of my car ride home, I wept joyful tears of abundance.  I feel so blessed to have truly remarkable women in my life that I love like the sisters I don't have.

**just to be fair, I have an awesome younger brother and FB actually dropped one of their "friendship memories" of us this morning that I happily shared on my feed- no coincidences- I love my brother πŸ’— (he also married an amazing woman that I claim in my sisterhood ☺)

I'm tight with my mom, but ya' know, she's my mom.  Love you mom!πŸ’—

And then there is her mom, my 98 year old grandmother and my aunts and cousins.

And my daughter, well, I'm her mother and she's 16 so....I'm super grateful for the simple gestures like a smile, a hug, or an episode of Friends.

I thought about my monthly Women's Meditation Group that I've been meeting with for a few years now.  We are deeply connected and I have great love for them as we have shared so much of our histories, our fears, our joys, and our passions with one another. We hold space for one another in the most loving way and I have felt truly held by these women.

I have sweet sisters that I am connected with through our children, through homeschooling, through summer camp...some are near and some are in other states even on other continents.  Some I speak to regularly and others we can go years, but the love and connection is still strong.  And then there are the ones that have left this world too soon, yet I still hold love in my heart and feel their presence.

Crossfit over this past year has been a place of connection with some of the strongest women I have ever met, both physically and mentally.  Daily I am inspired by them and driven to push myself past my fears and insecurities.  For the first time EVER, I feel safe and accepted in a gym environment, regardless of my size or skill.  It has been such a profound life altering experience for me that I've been compelled to openly share my path.  In turn, I have inspired 5 women to give it a go!!

I have recently gathered mamas with teens to support one another on a monthly basis.  The pull was strong to create a sacred space for us to meet and hear we are not alone in this parenting adventure.  I feel honored to be trusted, and grateful for each of the women and their individual journey.

Also recently, I have teamed up with my sexy soul sister to run a monthly Sexy Sunday Sister Circle to create safe space for women to connect, share and learn from each other. She is a certified Sex, Love, & Relationship Coach and I bring the oily goodness along.  I am so excited to see this group of women blossom!

So, back to my weekend.  Crazy that I get to call this "work."  I was invited to the Poconos for a Leader's Retreat for my Young Living business.  My upline and sister friend for 10+ years invited us for the day and showered us with love and inspiration.  She nourished us with delicious food and NingXia Red, of course, and gifted us with tools and symbolic anchors of where we are capable of reaching.  She led us in yoga and a wild dance party, she encouraged us to look deep within and reset our compasses.  We shed tears, shared laughter, and cheered each other on as we redefined our "why." πŸ’œ

I pulled into my driveway, took a deep meditative breath, wiped away the tears and took a moment to soak in the immense feeling of gratitude.  My heart full of love.

9.11.18 Peace & Love


Happy Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year) to all! I awoke this morning after spending time with family and friends, at temple services and gatherings, feeling hopeful.  For two full days we spoke, read, prayed and sang about PEACE, LOVE, and FREEDOM.  We gained strength in volume and passion as we came together in songs from our hearts.  Mother Earth cried with us as we cast off our fears and frustrations into the water and declared our intentions for the year ahead.   Our world is in dire need of repair, healing and love.

Waking up on 9/11 feeling hopeful was a new journey for me.  For 17 years I have woken on this day feeling sad and weepy.  I remember the day so clearly...trying to reach my father on the tarmac at Newark Airport as he sat on a plane waiting for take off.   Grateful that Ross had a doctor's appointment that kept him on the Jersey side that morning as we sat together watching the events unfold.  My father hitching a ride to our home and joining us in our vigilant watch and disbelief.  The tally of names in our community that didn't return home.  The vigils.  Days later we drove into the city for Rosh Hashana.  We were supposed to meet at the World Trade Center Hilton and were moved uptown.  Downtown was still smoldering.  Sights and smells that will always be with me.

Dipping apples into honey...manifesting the sweetness to outshine the bitter.  Lighting the holiday candles...manifesting light in the vast darkness.  Dancing and singing...manifesting joy and oneness cutting through the thick ugliness of hate.  Listening to the sound of the shofar being blown...a wake up call to action...watching my 11 year old stand up and blow shofar alongside the others.  We will change the world....you and I

9.6.18 back to school

Where does the time go?
🀷‍♀️ Been enjoying all the pictures of your kids going back to school and seeing how they are all growing up! Yesterday Stella started back at New Roots in 11th grade and there will be no pictures. Ahn attended the “Not Back to School” Homeschool picnic to commence his 6th grade year, but I forgot to take a picture. Today, since my parents are visiting from Florida, we went up to RIT to visit Dancin. Here is my back to school shot... all three seem to be off to a good start πŸ™‚

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