Experiencing fear is a healthy survival mechanism that is fundamental to our existence...living in fear is unhealthy.
Our bodies hold onto that fear and has negative effects on our physically wellness (ie: crippling our immune systems, screwing with our sleep, eating disorders, muscular pain, etc.) and emotional wellness (ie: dissociation, anxiety, phobias, mood swings, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc.)
And to my midlife mamas...fear raises our cortisol levels and messes with our hormones and we certainly don’t need anything else messing with our hormones!
Fear puts us in fight, flight freeze mode and shuts down our pre-frontal cortex which makes it difficult for us to engage in executive functioning!
Are ya hearing all the chatter about not being able to focus, zoning out, stress eating, stress baking, drinking, scrolling endlessly on social media?
So let’s talk straight about fear…
Zig Ziglar said FEAR had 2 meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise
Running from our lives is an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Believe me, I tried, years of emotionally eating my fears instead of facing them has added up!
I now choose to be resilientAF and rise to face my fears.
I get it. This shit is hard. Facing fear head on is intense.
Choices in life are sometimes gut wrenching.
Parenting taught me much of what I know about fear- we as parents hold fears for our children’s safety and well being.
The fears in my head were often way worse than the realities and when we hit the deepest darkest moments and real life scary shit was happening- the fear was overpowered by love- a love so intense that fear couldn’t continue to paralyze me.
I now fully realize “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” (Franklin D. Roosevelt)
Action absorbs anxiety and fear- we free ourselves up to live more fully and present to love and gratitude. Self care is love in action.
Radical Self Care that I turn to when fear is present:
- workout -especially with the boxing gloves on!
- take a walk, bonus points if the sun is shining
- dance! sing!
- gratitude journaling
- Aroma Freedom session
- connection with loved ones
- Kava Stress Relief tea
- Stress Away and Peace & Calming essential oil blends
- nurturing whole foods
- hugs...lots of hugs
Sadly, today my gym shut down their business.
Fortunately, the owners/coaches brilliantly pivoted and went remote, which is awesome....yet the community as we knew it is over.
My heart is so freakin’ heavy.
I sheepishly walked in there January 2018 - DESPERATE- I had spent much of 2017 using a cane and managing pain. I needed to be healthier.
The transformation I experienced was priceless.
First of all...I actually SHOWED UP and to be honest, I walked in terrified EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
And every day I walked out to my car a WARRIOR!
For the first time I felt physically and emotionally safe in a gym setting. All shapes and sizes were welcome and present. Modifications and scaling was available for anyone at any level of fitness.
Oh how I will miss the community!!
We had daily celebrations of achievement and badassery...support and compassion for life inside and outside the physical four walls of the gym.
2018-2020 were some of the most emotionally difficult years of my life and being present with the community and pushing myself physically supported me in ways I never could have imagined.
3 transformational lessons I learned from the gym:
1. It was never about my weight. People would compliment me on my weight loss and how great I looked...and honestly, it made me cringe.
2. I would smile and share how amazing I FELT. It was always about feeling better in my body, being able to move without pain, to get on and off the floor, to climb stairs without my arms, and to live my best life.
3. I wanted to be seen for the way I was showing up for myself, for that was where the real loss was. The LOSS OF GUILT for putting myself first!
In 2019 when things in my life took some painful twists and turns I struggled to stick with my radical self care. I had pain again and became acutely aware of what a shamp I was at holding my emotions in my body.
Fortunately in the last 6 months I have learned a technique to release them….and am now getting certified in it so I can help others!
This community will always be in my heart, the coaches will always be in my head, and I will continue to move my body, to push myself past the point of my mental comfort zone, to step outside myself and find my inner warrior.
She is there and she is resilientAF!
Check out Project Wellness...remote training from two amazing coaches!!
and join other resilientAF midlife mamas on Facebook in our free group!!
After months of indecision, waiting, researching, discussing, and shifting plans...it is time to send the 20 year old back off to college.
We chose an off-campus apartment so they can stay put regardless of how the wind blows witht his pandemic.
And then the packing began... remember when we prepared to bring this baby into the world almost 21 years ago and we packed a hospital bag?
Yeah, of course you do! Well now it’s a “C*oV*I*D Bag” we need to prepare!
This student will do all the things...wash hands, mask up (hopefully remember to wash the mask daily!) , keep distanced….and is only on campus for like 1 hour a week.
That said, sick happens...and even just a cold becomes cause for concern.
I can preach about “supporting immune system” all I want AND we all know that getting enough sleep and eating healthy are not synonymous with college students.
So, the “BAG” - you are probably wondering what is in it...I have read about smart things like an extra phone charger, a list of important numbers and any allergies or sensitivities, insurance card, some comfy clothing and a cozy blanket.
The concept is...student gets sick and needs to isolate...roommate can easily “grab the bag from the closet” vs. digging through the room to find the stuff.
My list may be different than most, but I will accommodate for that. I lean towards natural remedies...but my student and perhaps some reading this may not.
Tobi’s Top Ten:
Ibuprofen or Acetominophen or any other tool you prefer for lowering high fevers and helping with body aches
Prescriptions- things they are already taking and will need to keep up with
Personal hygiene products: including the “don’t leave home without it” hand sanitizer
Toothbrush! Yes, technically a personal care product,but this could be the best tool available….research oral hygiene or prevotella and C*V*D and read up on keeping the top of the gut biome clean!
Bonus Tip: Include a note with the exact location of anything that doesn't live in the bag so the roommate can easily find it!