Heart pounding, hands sweaty, jaw tension...it all kicked in whenever I would recall a specific memory of a traumatic event with my child.
And that memory would sometimes be triggered at the most inopportune moments.
Gaining freedom from this intense reaction changed my path.
It was the defining moment of realizing I needed to bring this work to others and share one of the best tools I have in my toolbox.
Our memories are more than just images, they are made up of thoughts, feelings, and body (and other) sensations.
We hold onto them for the purpose of learning and survival. Yet, we don’t need them to have a stronghold on us.
Our sense of smell is the only inroad to the limbic system where we store our memories and we are able to tap into it with the support of essential oils and reconsolidate the way the memories are stored.
Gently going through the steps of an Aroma Freedom session gifted me the ability to now recall the memory without the negativity or miserable physical responses.
It's opened up the doors for me to create new pathways for more positive perspectives and directions related to the memory.
How could I not learn how to help others be free!?
And support them in creating goals and intentions for their future!
60 seconds...the most dynamic simple process can be done in 60 seconds to flip the switch on that part of your brain that sends you into “fight, flight or freeze”
How helpful would that be for you or your teens!!?
Mamas, we need tools in our tool boxes!
Tools we can use on the spot and tools to help clear past messes and pave the way for future possibilities.
Let’s chat about how I can support you. I offer free 15 minute consults so you can ask all the questions!
Sign up HERE to get all the info and take the opportunity to schedule time with me!
Also, join my resilientAf midlife mamas Facebook group for more mama tools and occasional free group Aroma Freedom sessions.
New Years Eve 1998-1999 was a highlight for me- Phish show with friends in the Ticketmaster box at Madison Square Garden
NYE 1999-2000 with an almost 2 month old...nursing and diapers and desperately trying to stay up until midnight to see if the world would blow up (Y2K)
I've had many joyful NYE's since (and prior), but I find myself reflecting on these for three reasons this afternoon.
1. Having children changes EVERYTHING about sleep! For me, it sucked the joy out of staying up until midnight!! Joy is being tucked in by 10 🤣
2. Seriously, Y2K was 20 years ago? Here we are 20 years later and more worried about the state of the world than I ever imagined we could be. We have SO much work to do!
3. I am more excited about this NYE than ever-not that I have party plans or particularly want to stay up until midnight. It's that I've got 2021 plans that I've mapped out and I am excited to run with!! I haven't felt this clear about my goals and actions...like ever.
"That time then and once again, I'm bouncing round the room"
(in my head though-cuz my office is too small!)!!!
**side note: they didn't play that 12/31/98 AND here is the recording of the entire 3 set show for your convenience and enjoyment!
First time in my life I’m not just gliding into the New Year with thoughts or dreams about the things I would love to see happen.
This year is profoundly different!
Dreams that I can actually visualize and map out how to make them happen.
Goals written down with action steps and time frames,
Accountability set up to support my efforts.
Mindset work to motivate me and maintain my momentum.
Badass communities of other goal getters! (yes, more than one!)
2021 I’m coming for you!!
Anyone else all in?
Experiencing fear is a healthy survival mechanism that is fundamental to our existence...living in fear is unhealthy.
Our bodies hold onto that fear and has negative effects on our physically wellness (ie: crippling our immune systems, screwing with our sleep, eating disorders, muscular pain, etc.) and emotional wellness (ie: dissociation, anxiety, phobias, mood swings, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc.)
And to my midlife mamas...fear raises our cortisol levels and messes with our hormones and we certainly don’t need anything else messing with our hormones!
Fear puts us in fight, flight freeze mode and shuts down our pre-frontal cortex which makes it difficult for us to engage in executive functioning!
Are ya hearing all the chatter about not being able to focus, zoning out, stress eating, stress baking, drinking, scrolling endlessly on social media?
So let’s talk straight about fear…
Zig Ziglar said FEAR had 2 meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise
Running from our lives is an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Believe me, I tried, years of emotionally eating my fears instead of facing them has added up!
I now choose to be resilientAF and rise to face my fears.
I get it. This shit is hard. Facing fear head on is intense.
Choices in life are sometimes gut wrenching.
Parenting taught me much of what I know about fear- we as parents hold fears for our children’s safety and well being.
The fears in my head were often way worse than the realities and when we hit the deepest darkest moments and real life scary shit was happening- the fear was overpowered by love- a love so intense that fear couldn’t continue to paralyze me.
I now fully realize “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” (Franklin D. Roosevelt)
Action absorbs anxiety and fear- we free ourselves up to live more fully and present to love and gratitude. Self care is love in action.
Radical Self Care that I turn to when fear is present:
- workout -especially with the boxing gloves on!
- take a walk, bonus points if the sun is shining
- dance! sing!
- gratitude journaling
- Aroma Freedom session
- connection with loved ones
- Kava Stress Relief tea
- Stress Away and Peace & Calming essential oil blends
- nurturing whole foods
- hugs...lots of hugs
Impulsivity is a HOT TOPIC!
Inhibition is the executive function skill that allows one to stop their behavior, actions, and/or thoughts at the appropriate time. Impulsivity is the lack of inhibition.
That's all it means! So what does this look like?
not following directions
inconsistent performance on tasks
touching things... other people's things.. other people
restlessness or other active behaviors
difficulty turn-taking and waiting
Let’s talk strategy!
Teach them to take a breath, pause, process- even just a few seconds before responding.
Process time is so important for building this skill.
This is for those that are raising their hands before the question has been asked, or responding before communication is completed.
I love this traffic light graphic for teaching this concept.
Taking the time to verbalize the questions and create a plan is incredibly powerful.
For teens, impulsivity can have significant consequences, learning this skill to apply everywhere in their lives is critical.
Provide visual options such as a text, a note, posting on the wall, or writing on the board. Visually processing can slow down the impulsivity. Provide clear expectations and reminders.
It also helps support working memory, planning and organization.
As parents (and/or teachers) we don’t want to hover!
That said, for some students it's helpful to have someone nearby. For example, with remote schooling right now, I hear many parents concerned about limited focus and attention, which leads to impulsive behaviors.
Co-working can be highly supportive. The student is on the computer doing their classes and the parent is in the same room on the computer doing their work.
In a classroom students can be strategically placed in the front row and/or they may have an aide or a resource room teacher in the classroom.
Monitoring isn’t about squashing the behaviors, it’s about redirecting the energy.
When my kids were younger I learned about the importance of focusing on their positive behaviors. Admittedly, this has been one of my biggest struggles. This is where my impulsivity appeared...the negative behaviors always seemed to be illuminated and right in front of my face.
When we seek, focus and acknowledge the positive behaviors we are also helping build inhibition.