Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

“Ring...Ring”


Take a deep breath 


Pit of doom in my belly.  


Shoulders fold inward as my neck and back roll down into hunched over mode.  


It all happens in a matter of seconds….and feels like time is standing still.


Every cell in my body deflates, my breath is shallow, and my head pounds as I clench my jaw. 


In slow motion I turn the phone to look at the number. 


2 options: 


  • Huge sigh of relief… 

  • Panic sets further in as I answer…

I spent years waiting, day in and day out, for “the other shoe to drop.” *


*I just learned where this expression comes from!  It dates back to the late 19th and early 20th century in New York City.  In the tenement buildings the floors were so thin and you could hear your upstairs neighbor take off their shoe and drop it. Then repeat the action.  It became shorthand for waiting for something that was inevitably coming. 


Pains me to write this and recall the fear and constriction in my body even though it’s been over a year since I’ve responded to my phone ringing in this way. 


Grateful to have cultivated the resilience and mindset to shift myself from this detrimental pattern. 


For me, back then, it was the school calling or the police. Though it was really the constant state of fear I was stuck in that was the challenge.  


I was freed up by releasing the paralysis of fear, opening my window of tolerance, and accepting that stressful calls come, AND that I don’t need to be suffocated by the grip of waiting for them to arrive. 


I hear from many of you that are exhausted...caught up in this cycle of fear.  


Mama, you are the only one that can make it stop.  


You and your reaction/response are the only control you have.  


You can break the pattern. 


Reach out for a free 15 minute coaching call.  I'm here to help you. 


You can also join resilientAF midlife mamas on Facebook





 


Keep Your Window of Resilience Wide Open...So That You Can Achieve Optimal Energy & Peace!

Keep Your Window of Resilience Wide Open...So That You Can Achieve Optimal Energy & Peace!
AHA moment!  Right there on the floor, sitting in a circle with my loving meditation group.  On a large piece of paper on the floor was a rudimentary drawing of Dan Siegel's Window of Tolerance.  I remember leaving that afternoon with a clarity I hadn't had in years! 

Visualize the window.  Seriously, close your eyes and picture a window that can open from the bottom or the top. 

I see this window as my window of resilience and it is part of the equation of how I became resilientAF in spite of some of the greatest most heartbreaking challenges.  

Check out this video explaining about the window and how I keep mine open! 

 Then join me in the resilientAF midlife mamas group on Facebook! 






Turn the f%&*in' lights on and LIVE JUICY!

Turn the f%&*in' lights on and LIVE JUICY!

LIVE JUICY!! 


I absolutely love the idea of choosing succulence and living juicy. 


Choosing succulence in terms of “positivity” doesn't mean you're living life saccharine-sweet,  it just means that you're making the choice to acknowledge that it's not always going to be rainbows and unicorns and that's okay.


This past month as I've been grieving the loss of my grandmother, I've been reading Elisabeth Kubler-Ross writings about grief.  The quote that really stuck with me is,  “I'm not okay, you're not okay, and that's okay.” Because it's okay that we're not all okay! And we don't need to be defined by our "not being ok." 


It's too easy to succumb to the negativity and the complaints. Positivity doesn’t mean ignoring the issues. (and there are so many issues!) 

Just means you're turning on the light in the darkness!  


The vibrant author, SARK says it's a “personal revolution” to choose positivity.


A couple of years ago I met with my relationship and intimacy coach (and dear friend!), Maria Rider.  At our first session when we inquired about my goals,  I declared that I wanted to “be juicy!" and not just in my intimate world...I meant living life juicy! 


Juicy for me is not being tethered by the darkness and the negativity. 

Not being drawn into the black holes. 

Not allowing my whole presence to be sucked in by the challenging things that were happening around me.

Not allowing the circumstances of my life to hold me back from joy.

Not allowing the challenges that my children were going through or financial situations or a loved one dying or being ill or any of those things that are just “LIFE” to stop me from moving forward in my own life goals.  

Not letting myself live in fear.  

Because safety is an illusion.  

Anything can happen at any time, and you can't live life "waiting for the other shoe to drop."


Ask yourself: 

What ways are you seduced by negativity? 

In what ways are you so absorbed in the current global challenges that you're not seeing the joy in your life?

Do you want your personal revolution? 

Today Facebook gave me a memory from 2 years ago. The picture is from Hanukkah and the pure joy in each of our faces is undeniable, the glow of the lights, even the dog is blissfully being snuggled... and yet I know that this was such a dark chapter in our family's life.  I know that there was so much pain and sadness.  

I chose the positivity.

I chose the joy.

I rose up to see the light in the darkness.

I turned the f****** lights on!




Want to hang with other women working on their juicy lives? Come hang with a bunch of resilientAF midlife mamas?


Is your teen shut down emotionally or maybe incredibly anxious? (Executive Function Series #6)

  Is your teen shut down emotionally or maybe  incredibly anxious?  (Executive Function Series #6)

Emotional regulation is a sensitive topic for me.  


As a pediatric speech language pathologist, I knew about executive function.  I worked with younger kids so I wasn’t as tuned into it for the older kids. I also didn’t fully understand the emotional regulation behavioral component.  


While in the thick of raising my kids I didn’t acknowledge and comprehend how our nervous systems co-regulate.  


Lots of stuff I didn’t know that I didn’t know!


I’ve done the emotional work to release myself from the guilt of not knowing, of not doing better or different.  I chose to educate myself and share with others, so other families might escape the trauma. 


Emotional regulation is when it's difficult to redirect and refocus when there's a lack of emotional control. This is when we see meltdowns, tantrums, cursing, extreme crying or extreme laughter. Typically unpredictable emotional responses that are out of sync with the situation at hand. 


Emotional regulation also involves co-regulation so if a parent is struggling with their own emotional regulation then they feed off of each other. For example,  if Mom is really stressed out then the kid gets really stressed out. These kids are not able to not take in what is happening in their environment.  Basically our nervous systems are bouncing off of each other and it's a chicken and egg thing. 


One way to explain the emotional regulation is polyvagal theory as shown in this image: 


Another take on it is the “window of tolerance” as in this image: 


Five strategies that can be used to support teens at home and at school: 

  1.  Supporting them in being aware of their outbursts and the consequences of having them on their surroundings.

  2.  Being aware of stressful situations at home and/or in school. 

  3.  Clarifying expectations to reduce their feelings of overwhelm.

  4.  Creating a safe and supportive environment that fosters empathy.

  5.  Using scales to help them monitor where they are emotionally or may be heading as    things escalate.  


We can all widen our window of tolerance by practicing mindfulness, increasing happiness, and building resilience.


**so much more on this topic coming soon! 


Join our Facebook group! You are not alone! We get it!



3 transformational lessons learned from the gym...probably not what you think!

Sadly, today my gym shut down their business.


Fortunately, the owners/coaches brilliantly pivoted and went remote, which is awesome....yet the community as we knew it is over.

My heart is so freakin’ heavy.

I sheepishly walked in there January 2018 -
DESPERATE- I had spent much of 2017 using a cane and managing pain. I needed to be healthier.

The transformation I experienced was priceless.

First of all...I actually
SHOWED UP and to be honest, I walked in terrified EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

And every day I walked out to my car a
WARRIOR!

For the first time I felt physically and emotionally safe in a gym setting. All shapes and sizes were welcome and present. Modifications and scaling was available for anyone at any level of fitness.

Oh how I will miss the community!!

We had daily celebrations of achievement and badassery...support and compassion for life inside and outside the physical four walls of the gym.

2018-2020 were some of the most emotionally difficult years of my life and being present with the community and pushing myself physically supported me in ways I never could have imagined.



3 transformational lessons I learned from the gym: 

1.  It was never about my weight. People would compliment me on my weight loss and how great I looked...and honestly, it made me cringe. 


2. I would smile and share how amazing I FELT. It was always about feeling better in my body, being able to move without pain, to get on and off the floor, to climb stairs without my arms, and to live my best life.

3. I wanted to be seen for the way I was showing up for myself, for that was where the real loss was. The LOSS OF GUILT for putting myself first!

In 2019 when things in my life took some painful twists and turns I struggled to stick with my radical self care. I had pain again and became acutely aware of what a shamp I was at holding my emotions in my body.

Fortunately in the last 6 months I have learned a technique to release them….and am now getting certified in it so I can help others!

This community will always be in my heart, the coaches will always be in my head, and I will continue to move my body, to push myself past the point of my mental comfort zone, to step outside myself and find my inner warrior.

 

She is there and she is resilientAF!  

Check out
Project Wellness...remote training from two amazing coaches!!


and join other resilientAF midlife mamas on Facebook in our free group!! 





 
Read Older Updates