Experiencing fear is a healthy survival mechanism that is fundamental to our existence...living in fear is unhealthy.
Our bodies hold onto that fear and has negative effects on our physically wellness (ie: crippling our immune systems, screwing with our sleep, eating disorders, muscular pain, etc.) and emotional wellness (ie: dissociation, anxiety, phobias, mood swings, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc.)
And to my midlife mamas...fear raises our cortisol levels and messes with our hormones and we certainly don’t need anything else messing with our hormones!
Fear puts us in fight, flight freeze mode and shuts down our pre-frontal cortex which makes it difficult for us to engage in executive functioning!
Are ya hearing all the chatter about not being able to focus, zoning out, stress eating, stress baking, drinking, scrolling endlessly on social media?
So let’s talk straight about fear…
Zig Ziglar said FEAR had 2 meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise
Running from our lives is an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Believe me, I tried, years of emotionally eating my fears instead of facing them has added up!
I now choose to be resilientAF and rise to face my fears.
I get it. This shit is hard. Facing fear head on is intense.
Choices in life are sometimes gut wrenching.
Parenting taught me much of what I know about fear- we as parents hold fears for our children’s safety and well being.
The fears in my head were often way worse than the realities and when we hit the deepest darkest moments and real life scary shit was happening- the fear was overpowered by love- a love so intense that fear couldn’t continue to paralyze me.
I now fully realize “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” (Franklin D. Roosevelt)
Action absorbs anxiety and fear- we free ourselves up to live more fully and present to love and gratitude. Self care is love in action.
Radical Self Care that I turn to when fear is present:
- workout -especially with the boxing gloves on!
- take a walk, bonus points if the sun is shining
- dance! sing!
- gratitude journaling
- Aroma Freedom session
- connection with loved ones
- Kava Stress Relief tea
- Stress Away and Peace & Calming essential oil blends
- nurturing whole foods
- hugs...lots of hugs
Sadly, today my gym shut down their business.
Fortunately, the owners/coaches brilliantly pivoted and went remote, which is awesome....yet the community as we knew it is over.
My heart is so freakin’ heavy.
I sheepishly walked in there January 2018 - DESPERATE- I had spent much of 2017 using a cane and managing pain. I needed to be healthier.
The transformation I experienced was priceless.
First of all...I actually SHOWED UP and to be honest, I walked in terrified EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
And every day I walked out to my car a WARRIOR!
For the first time I felt physically and emotionally safe in a gym setting. All shapes and sizes were welcome and present. Modifications and scaling was available for anyone at any level of fitness.
Oh how I will miss the community!!
We had daily celebrations of achievement and badassery...support and compassion for life inside and outside the physical four walls of the gym.
2018-2020 were some of the most emotionally difficult years of my life and being present with the community and pushing myself physically supported me in ways I never could have imagined.
3 transformational lessons I learned from the gym:
1. It was never about my weight. People would compliment me on my weight loss and how great I looked...and honestly, it made me cringe.
2. I would smile and share how amazing I FELT. It was always about feeling better in my body, being able to move without pain, to get on and off the floor, to climb stairs without my arms, and to live my best life.
3. I wanted to be seen for the way I was showing up for myself, for that was where the real loss was. The LOSS OF GUILT for putting myself first!
In 2019 when things in my life took some painful twists and turns I struggled to stick with my radical self care. I had pain again and became acutely aware of what a shamp I was at holding my emotions in my body.
Fortunately in the last 6 months I have learned a technique to release them….and am now getting certified in it so I can help others!
This community will always be in my heart, the coaches will always be in my head, and I will continue to move my body, to push myself past the point of my mental comfort zone, to step outside myself and find my inner warrior.
She is there and she is resilientAF!
Check out Project Wellness...remote training from two amazing coaches!!
and join other resilientAF midlife mamas on Facebook in our free group!!
Last year my journey felt solid. I had been training, eating healthy, getting stronger, engaging in personal development workshops and thriving. Don’t get me wrong...things were far from perfect in my home and I was pushing through sciatica pain that began mid spring.
And then the bottom fell out, a year ago this week, when our 16 year old took off and it has been the single most difficult year of my life not seeing or speaking to him, for he is a piece of my heart.
Emotional pain that I wasn’t allowing myself to feel was being stored in my body. Movement became more difficult, yet I kept showing up and pushing myself because I missed the emotional release that came from working out. I focused on getting good sleep, meditating, connecting with friends, taking baths, oiling up…ya’ know...self care- cuz that’s my thing!
A friend posted recently “You can’t heal if you’re pretending not to hurt” and OUCH...it smacked me, like a slap in the face.
Ya see, I had let go of the nutrition work I was doing with my coach… and I found myself eating to fill the void, numb my feelings, and self soothe the child in me that ached to feel loved ...and then all the weight came back on and I physically felt shitty.
Yesterday I caught myself standing naked in front of the mirror and I didn’t cringe and loathe my body. For the very first time, my heart softened and all I could see was the powerful loving being that has birthed three babies. I could see the pain in my body, on my face and in the silver strands of wisdom in my hair. I saw flashes of my life with my children, holding them, nurturing them, and then felt the need to hold myself and the tears flooded my eyes as I embraced myself.
And with that acceptance I realized that I can’t stay in this body as it is for it is too painful. I’ve been here before and I don’t choose to stay.
It’s time to get back to all out, no BS radical self care. It’s time to go back to what I know works for me. It’s time to do the things I know work to raise my frequency, increase my energy, and bring me back to my vibrant self so that I can decrease the inflammation in my body and support my hormones.
This song speaks to my soul...I think I’ll post these lyrics on my mirror:
“I am resilient
I trust the movement
I negate the chaos
Uplift the negative
I’ll show up at the table, again and again and again
I’ll close my mouth and learn to listen”
(Lyrics by Rising Appalachia)
I've done it before and I can do it again...the specifics may look very different for each of us, but let’s get at it…’cause it’s always better to do these things together!
hang with us in Resilient AF Midlife Mamas on Facebook !