Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

“Ring...Ring”


Take a deep breath 


Pit of doom in my belly.  


Shoulders fold inward as my neck and back roll down into hunched over mode.  


It all happens in a matter of seconds….and feels like time is standing still.


Every cell in my body deflates, my breath is shallow, and my head pounds as I clench my jaw. 


In slow motion I turn the phone to look at the number. 


2 options: 


  • Huge sigh of relief… 

  • Panic sets further in as I answer…

I spent years waiting, day in and day out, for “the other shoe to drop.” *


*I just learned where this expression comes from!  It dates back to the late 19th and early 20th century in New York City.  In the tenement buildings the floors were so thin and you could hear your upstairs neighbor take off their shoe and drop it. Then repeat the action.  It became shorthand for waiting for something that was inevitably coming. 


Pains me to write this and recall the fear and constriction in my body even though it’s been over a year since I’ve responded to my phone ringing in this way. 


Grateful to have cultivated the resilience and mindset to shift myself from this detrimental pattern. 


For me, back then, it was the school calling or the police. Though it was really the constant state of fear I was stuck in that was the challenge.  


I was freed up by releasing the paralysis of fear, opening my window of tolerance, and accepting that stressful calls come, AND that I don’t need to be suffocated by the grip of waiting for them to arrive. 


I hear from many of you that are exhausted...caught up in this cycle of fear.  


Mama, you are the only one that can make it stop.  


You and your reaction/response are the only control you have.  


You can break the pattern. 


Reach out for a free 15 minute coaching call.  I'm here to help you. 


You can also join resilientAF midlife mamas on Facebook





 


Mama, what tools are in your toolbox?

Mama, what tools are in your toolbox?

Heart pounding, hands sweaty, jaw tension...it all kicked in whenever I would recall a specific memory of a traumatic event with my child. 


And that memory would sometimes be triggered at the most inopportune moments.  


Gaining freedom from this intense reaction changed my path.  


It was the defining moment of realizing I needed to bring this work to others and share one of the best tools I have in my toolbox.


Our memories are more than just images, they are made up of thoughts, feelings, and body (and other) sensations.  


We hold onto them for the purpose of learning and survival. Yet, we don’t need them to have a stronghold on us. 


Our sense of smell is the only inroad to the limbic system where we store our memories and we are able to tap into it with the support of essential oils and reconsolidate the way the memories are stored. 


Gently going through the steps of an Aroma Freedom  session gifted me the ability to now recall the memory without the negativity or miserable physical responses.  


It's opened up the doors for me to create new pathways for more positive perspectives and directions related to the memory.  


How could I not learn how to help others be free!? 


And support them in creating goals and intentions for their future! 


60 seconds...the most dynamic simple process can be done in 60 seconds to flip the switch on that part of your brain that sends you into “fight, flight or freeze” 


How helpful would that be for you or your teens!!? 


Mamas, we need tools in our tool boxes!  


Tools we can use on the spot and tools to help clear past messes and pave the way for future possibilities. 


Let’s chat about how I can support you.  I offer free 15 minute consults so you can ask all the questions! 


Sign up HERE to get all the info and take the opportunity to schedule time with me!


Also, join my resilientAf midlife mamas Facebook group for more mama tools and occasional free group Aroma Freedom sessions. 


Keep Your Window of Resilience Wide Open...So That You Can Achieve Optimal Energy & Peace!

Keep Your Window of Resilience Wide Open...So That You Can Achieve Optimal Energy & Peace!
AHA moment!  Right there on the floor, sitting in a circle with my loving meditation group.  On a large piece of paper on the floor was a rudimentary drawing of Dan Siegel's Window of Tolerance.  I remember leaving that afternoon with a clarity I hadn't had in years! 

Visualize the window.  Seriously, close your eyes and picture a window that can open from the bottom or the top. 

I see this window as my window of resilience and it is part of the equation of how I became resilientAF in spite of some of the greatest most heartbreaking challenges.  

Check out this video explaining about the window and how I keep mine open! 

 Then join me in the resilientAF midlife mamas group on Facebook! 






Mental Health Over Academics...Understanding Why

I'm going to let the video do it's thing this week...so grab a cup of something yummy and hit play.  Then share it with someone else 💜





Attention, Focus, Teens and School! (Executive Function Series #3)

Attention, Focus, Teens and School!  (Executive Function Series #3)

As I write this the scenario for many teens is:  

  • class on the computer from 9-3  

  • homework after classes

  • 10+ hours sitting inside on the computer

  • often in bedroom

  • multiple tabs open 

  • phones, pads, games nearby

Is it messing with their ability to FOCUS and maintain ATTENTION 

How are they managing EMOTIONALLY?  

Are they feeling ANXIOUS and/or DEPRESSED?  

Are they CHECKING OUT during classes?

What about the students previously identified with attention and focus issues in a physical classroom? 

And the students that perhaps struggle with how to advocate for themselves to ask for help, repetitions, clarifications?  

These are the teens that each day quietly sink deeper into the quicksand. The ones that will slowly FALL BETWEEN THE CRACKS.

Attention is the executive function skill that allows us to focus on the present moment, to details, to people, and for a span of time.

Limited attention skills can present as laziness, opposition, rebellion, exhaustion.  For many students, this is a legitimate struggle, they simply “can’t” attend.  It’s not that they “won’t”, they truly “can’t.

The breakdown of attention spills into other executive functioning skills such as time management, organization and emotional regulation.  All of this can wreak havoc in academic and home settings. 

Some students might have a diagnosis that is concomitant with the executive functioning struggles. Regardless of a diagnosis or not there are issues that exacerbate limited attention:


STRESS

POOR SLEEP HABITS 

LACK OF ORGANIZATION.  


Hello most teens! 

Those with IEP’s/504’s need to asses the accommodations or modifications as they may not translate to virtual learning.  Observe and communicate with your student and their teachers about what is and isn’t working. Determine where the breakdowns are and look outside the box to advocate with your student and offer suggestions.  


Teachers are doing their best


Support them while you work together to create solutions. Use your voice to request what may serve your child best. For example: 


  • If they can’t focus from 9-3, prioritize the classes that need to be done online and suggest skipping the online presence for the others 

  • Take a critical look at the assignments and determine if there is work they can be exempt from


Supporting students where they are, with what they need for mental/emotional health is essential.



And as always...take care of YOU, set the model for self care! 

Check out my resilientAF midlife mamas group in Facebook to dive into radical self care and support  

Want all of my executive function info sent directly to your inbox? Click here! 

 

 


 
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